precisely

perfectly lonely

the world is still revolving,

things are happening,

there's no time for waiting

or delaying.

I'm staying still, 

watching, listening, wondering,

but there's no chance for talking,

or sharing.

everybody's moving,

changing,

and keep walking.

efek samping

Tolerance (noun)

A condition, stemming from continual utilization of a drug, marked by a significant lessened impact with regular use of the same dosage of the drug or via a need to up the dosage significantly over time to reach the same favored impact. 

Tolerance is one of the two prime symptoms of physical dependence on a drug, the other being a characteristic withdrawal syndrome.

retrieved from psychologydictionary.org

ternyata

found out today,

I still can't stand by myself.

not yet.

hey soul sister

your lipstik stains
on the front lobe of my left side brains
I knew I wouldnt forget you
and so I went and let you blow my mind

your sweet moonbeam
the smell of you in every single dream I dream
I knew when we collided,
you're the one I have decided who's one of my kind

hey soul sister
aint that mister mister on the radio, stereo
the way you move aint fair you know
hey soul sister
I dont wanna miss a single thing you do
tonight

just in time
I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me
you gave my life direction
a game show love connection we cant deny

I'm so obsessed,
my heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest
I believe in you, like a virgin you're Madonna
and I'm always gonna wanna blow your mind

"can anybody help me with these exit wounds?"

aku lelah harus terus menyelesaikan semuanya sendiri. ku kira dalam hidup ini aku bisa minta orang lain membantuku menemukan jawaban dari setiap pertanyaan yang harus ku selesaikan.

aku kehilangan kepercayaan bahkan pada diriku sendiri. saat aku tak lagi mampu menentukan pilihan, karena tak mau menerima konsekuensi.

boleh tidak, kalau aku memilih untuk diam?

tapi kata orang dunia ini berputar. kata orang waktu terus berjalan.
aku bukan siapa-siapa sehingga dunia harus berhenti dan waktu mau menunggu.

tapi,
aku sungguh mempertanyakan. boleh tidak, kalau aku memilih untuk diam?
setidaknya untuk saat ini. membiarkan diriku punya ruang sendiri.

membiarkan diriku perlahan memahami.
apa yang selama ini aku cari.
hal apa yang masih ku takuti.

boleh?

Eva's Point

How deep could a love affair get if you didn’t know the darkest recesses of your lover’s soul? That was the dilemma I’d faced with Gideon.

“That’s the problem, Gideon. I want to know who you are, the good and the bad, and you want to keep parts of yourself hidden from me. If you don’t open up, we’re going to lose each other down the road and I won’t be able to take it"

He pulled back, his face set in fierce lines. “We’ll never be over, Eva.” I looked at him, my heart aching like an open wound at how beautiful he was, how broken and in pain he was—pain I’d caused to some degree.

struck by a lightning. I am being hyperbolic.

so.. I don't know where to begin because I actually know nothing about what's going on in my life.
I am lost. okay, I have been lost all of my life but not the kind of lost this time around. I just... lost.
I can't even explain.

it's like I'm searching ways to escape from anything behind me.

I have my own life. so does everybody.
I can't stop them on the sidewalk to take their minutes for shits my life has given me.
so here I am.

I don't know where.

Kuliah Psikologi Keluarga

"Kebanyakan pasangan saat ini lebih memilih untuk mengakhiri permasalahan, 

bukan menyelesaikan permasalahan."

- Bu Herdina, 2014

bingung aja gitu

I thought there were no soundtracks in real life. I thought it would be so much cooler if we had soundtracks in everything we do, like movies do. then I just figured it out, if there were no soundtracks in real life, why do these taylor swift's, the script's and secondhand serenade's still echoed in my head?

point of view

she's been trying to hide
afraid of someone she just met
forcing herself to not to shred
I thought she would forget

turns out it was wrong
she realized she wanted to be found

girls talk

it was not about boys or crushes anymore
yet it sounded like drugs and alcohol
a metaphor

she said she's been addicted
she didn't know how to deal with it
she is now longing for it

the other said has quit drinking
told me she's been learning
it was never be the answer

they asked me then
"I'm planning for withdrawal,
but my tolerance is getting worse"

july

please please please
be kind, be fine

statistically failed

if only
you knew that
two plus five equals seven

but
what I did plus what you're doing
won't make it even

clueless

to write what I think

every night

or to write not

to tell what I should not

or what I thought 

the answer is not yet

for what is not

neither I know right

belum jodoh

she just made a crazily big loud crowd. without me in it.
I've been good all the way, till I knew how happy they were.
I'm not okay. I missed her. I missed the crowd. I missed the chance.

I'm teary. just like her when she sang all too well in the crowd.
I've been played my all-of-her-song playlist over months.
no, it didn't work. as if I didn't know that at the first place.

see you, someday.
make sure you'll come again. I'm counting on you.
I love you.

legitimate certain parts

wasn't it easier in lunchbox days?
always a bigger bed to crawl into
wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything
and everybody believed in you?

---

did something you can't speak of
but at night you live it all again
you wouldn't be shattered on the floor now
if only you had seen what you know now then

---

wasn't it easier in your firefly-catchin' days?
when everything out of reach someone bigger brought down to you
wasn't it beautiful runnin' wild 'til you fell asleep
before the monster caught up to you?

---

time turns flames to embers
you'll have new Septembers
every one of us has messed up too
minds change like the weather
I hope you remember
today is never too late to be brand new

they said. as if I can

metamorfosis

mawar itu mendapati rasa asing ketika kupu-kupu datang ke tamannya. entah karena si kupu-kupu membawa keanggunan yang tak bisa disandingkan dengan mawar, atau mawar tidak lagi mengenali si ulat yang dulu pernah tinggal di dekatnya.

random thoughts

sinichi itu kalo jadi conan (dengan tubuh anak-anak) dia bakal tumbuh sesuai sama tubuh anak-anaknya ngga ya?
obat itu bikin tubuh sinichi jadi terus di ukuran itu atau bisa tetep tumbuh?
terus conan itu kenapa ngga pernah ngerayain ulang tahun?
conan sekarang udah kelas berapa? masih kelas satu? perasaan udah ngelewatin berapa musim salju deh

happy birthday

semoga kamu bisa lebih baik dan menjadi yang terbaik. semoga kamu bisa tetap menjadi alasan bagi orang lain untuk tersenyum, bahagia dan merasa bangga. semoga setiap doa dan harapan yang terbaik untukmu cepat tersampaikan. semoga keinginan dan cita-citamu segera menjadi nyata. 

you've been through twenty one years,

hope that won't be just twenty one

because you have to be more than someone

because you shouldn't be just anyone

selamat ulang tahun, 

selamat umur dua puluh satu, 

aku selalu sayang kamu.

birthdayboy

always yours, 

vo

indeed it is a long journey

it's a long, long journey

till I know where I'm supposed to be

it's a long, long journey

and I don't know if I can believe

when shadows fall and block my eyes

I am lost and know that I must hide

it's a long, long journey

till I find my way home to you

many days I've spent

drifting on through empty shores

wondering what's my purpose

wondering how to make me strong

I know I will falter I know I will cry

I know you'll be standing by my side

it's a long, long journey

and I need to be close to you

sometimes it feels no one understand

I don't even know why I do the things I do

when pride builds me up till I can't see my soul

will you break down these walls and pull me through

'cause it's a long, long journey

till I feel that I am worth the price

you paid for me on calvary

beneath those stormy skies

when satan mocks and friends turn to foes

it feels like everything is out to make me lose control

cause it's a long, long journey

till I find my way home to you

someone said to me

"mereka ngga jahat sama kita, tapi mereka jahat sama diri mereka sendiri."

perhaps,
people find their own way through some kind of path.

but for some, a plain good path isn't enough to make them realize,

that their lives aren't just a playground. 

that they have been too much playing around.

that they have people that love and care for them.

seems legit

"some people, just can't ask for help. they don't know how."

Ray Langston

stupid little fight

"kok nyebelin sih, tak cabut lho godek (jambang) nya"
"lho mayak, tak hapus lho alismu"

STAY CLOSE - Faculty of Psychology, Universitas Airlangga

 



ini video tugas Psikologi Komunikasi :D

semoga maksud iklannya dapat tersampaikan kepada semua penonton yaaaaa



stay close,

cheers

I know that feeling, Finn

perkenalkan

garin - elis - vo - edwin - laras - ryan

remember when I told you about colours in my life?
so now I'm kinda have more colours.

it's good to have good people around you. it's great when they are so much different kind of person, like I really have some different colours. I'd like to call it brown, pink, blue, yellow and grey. sure that suits them well.

let me introduce them...

garin : the oldest yet the youngest. masih jomblo dan merasa senang punya teman macam elis karena serasa punya pacar meskipun jomblo. suka banget ketawa, mulai dari ketawa normal, ketawa setan sampai ketawa paling ngga jelas. he sure has so (too) much endorphins. karena itulah dia jadi kayak adek paling kecil, nyebelin sekaligus baik hati.

elis : the positive thinker. sangat amat jarang sekali berpikiran buruk dan selalu tahu apa sisi positif dari kejadian yang kita alami. she's such a smart-religious-innocent girl you've read on your books. susah sekali ngelucu, tapi bikin ketawa karena selalu jayus.

edwin : tugas is his middle name. sukanya menyendiri, ngerjain tugas dan menikmati kesunyian. merasa ada yang kurang kalau ngga ada tugas dan tidak akan menyiakan waktu hanya untuk sekedar berprokrastinasi. he's dependable and hunsbandable they said. suka menolong dan tidak suka menyusahkan orang lain.

laras : eldest sister and a reckless all at once. bisa sekali masalah masak memasak dan punya kemampuan penalaran tinggi. but sure she's so much vulnerable and such an open book. it's good and bad at a time. gampang sekali terdistraksi dan terpengaruh lingkungan sekitar. selalu merasa bingung sama apa yang sudah diyakini. pintar tapi ngga punya ketetapan hati, jadinya sering riweuh sendiri hihi

ryan : our biggest liar. sukanya berbohong kepada orang-orang yang dianggap lemah supaya dia bisa menanamkan kecemasan dan teror. he's smart, so he can always fooling around. maunya jadi orang jahat, tapi ternyata dia ngga bisa berhenti tersenyum. oh iya, sumber gosip utama sekaligus pembuat gosip ternama di lingkungannya.

they are being good companions for happy and hard times. sometimes evil, then heartwarming at another. sometimes funny, then annoying at another. sometimes friends, then siblings at another.

so, what are your colours?

I need a pensieve

Dumbledore said it is good to clean your mind up. And helps you remember details.

happy six

i love you still

and always will.

phone call

katakanlah aku hiperbolis,
mungkin memang.
kamu hanya menggumam,
aku sudah terlalu senang.

weekend

days where all you have to do is laying on your bed. I want my weekend be like my own days. I want to be my own self. dancing. singing. dreaming. I want to live a short live of different world of mine, where I can always admiring my idols, confusing about what song I want to sing, crying over some sad movies, shouting at some badass on the movie, laughing at some running man's game, dancing with taylor swift's or bruno mars's voice, reading manga I can never finish, and sleeping as my mind going wild of happiness.

but wait,

one can not simply has weekend as they want. college.

I'm probably gonna be burning red

taylor allison swift is going to indonesia.
for. god's. sake.
she's gonna be here.








dan biarkan Allah yang menentukan takdir kita.

it aint for valentine, fyi

you deserve someone who listens to you

hears every word and knows what to do

when you're feeling hopeless lost and confused

there's somebody out there who will

you need a man who holds you for hours

make your friends jealous

when he brings you flowers

and laughs when he says they dont have love like ours

there's somebody out there who will

there's somebody out there who's looking for you

someday he'll find you, I swear that it's true

he's gonna kiss you and you'll feel the world standstill

there's somebody out there who will

he'll take you dancing and pull you in close

spin you around and won't let you go

till they turn the lights off and he'll take you home

there's somebody out there who will

tossing and turning and dreaming at night

about finding him and praying and hoping you might

'cause you deserve someone who knows how to treat you right

I know he's out there

he's looking for you

someday he'll find you I swear that it's true

and he's gonna kiss you and you'll feel the world standstill

you need someone who'll miss you

hold you and kiss you

there's somebody out there who will

a rocket to the moon - somebody out there

clementine to joel

"you dont tell me things, joel. I'm an open book, I tell you everything. Every damn embarassing thing. You dont trust me."

"constantly talking isnt necessarily communicating."

"I dont do that. I want to know you. I dont constantly talk. People have to share things, joel. That's what intimacy is."

ngintip kata mereka malam itu

mungkin benar, pengaruhnya terlalu kuat. bagaimanapun menyebalkannya, melelahkannya, satu tahun sudah lebih dari cukup untuk menjadi keluarga dengan segala tawa dan air mata :')

17 Januari 2014

we walked out that door, with our hearts left behind. we laughed out loud tonight, with tears fell down our faces. we talked about us, today, yesterday, year before, the day after tomorrow, the first day we met and all of our memories. time flies but we do not want to move this fast. we walked out that door, but didnt want to went home. this is our house, we are our home.

sembilan belas berlimabelas

today may be the day we shared our tears. but today may be the day we realized how precious we are.
this aint a heartbreak, but it feels like our parts has been ripped. no, this is not a good bye.

this gonna be one of the best part of my lifetime story. I cant tell enough, cause we have more than just much.

January, 17th 2014

ottoke a.k.a aku harus gimana

selamat tahun baru, by the way

di awal tahun 2014 ini postingan pertama seharusnya doa-doa dan harapan buat tahun ini. iya, aku sudah berdoa dan berharap semoga tahun ini lebih mulus dan ngga berbatu kaya tahun sebelumnya. semoga terwujud yaaa :)

setelah berdoa dan berharap buat tahun baru, rasanya masih aja pengen ngeluh cerita tentang gimana semester terakhir di tahun 2013. kalau kata artis-artis hollywood sih, it's such a pain in the ass haha. tapi kalau buat aku sih, it's such a pain in the head, heart and my whole body -____-

seriusan. karena ini semester paling 'ottoke', semester paling ngga tahu harus gimana dan ngga tahu gimana hasilnya (meskipun harapannya masih tetep bagus, kan hasil semester ini munculnya di 2014 hehe)

ottoke, kata yang paling sering muncul di semester ini. bahkan ketika mau memulai ngerjain tugas, karena aku bahkan ngga tahu gimana cara ngerjainnya, apa yang harus dikerjain dan apa maksud tugasnya. ottoke banget kan.

rasanya ini semester yang bikin paling pengen bergulung gulung di pasir pantai, pengen terbang, pengen menyelam ke samudera hindia dan pengen tidur sebulan penuh.

liat deh, ngetik postingan aja bisa tapi ngetik tugas ngga bisa. ya saking ottoke-nya jadi begini nih.